State Mottos for the United States
At least we're not Mississippi
11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong!
But it's a dry heat
Literasy ain't everthin'
As seen on TV
If you don't ski, don't bother
Like Massachusetts, only dirtier and with less character
We really do like the chemicals in our water
Ask us about our grand-kids
We put the 'fun' in fundamentalist Extremism
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to mainland scum, but
leave your money)
More than just potatoes...well, okay, we're not. But the potatoes
sure are real good!
Please don't pronounce the 's'
Two billion years tidal wave free
We do amazing things with corn
First of the rectangle states
Five million people; fifteen last names
We're not all drunk Cajun wackos, but that's our tourism campaign
We're really cold, but we have cheap lobster
A thinking man's Delaware
Our taxes are lower than Sweden's (for most tax brackets)
First line of defense from the Canadians
10,000 lakes and 10,000,000 mosquitoes
Come feel better about your own state
Your federal flood relief tax dollars at work
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing crazies and very
Ask about our state motto contest
Whores and Poker!
Hampshire: Go away and leave us alone
Jersey: Ya wanna #$&*ing motto? I got your #$&*ing motto
Mexico: Lizards make excellent pets
York: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right
to an attorney...
Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable
Dakota: We really are one of the 50 states
At least we're not Michigan!
Like the play, only no singing
Spotted owl...it's what's for dinner
Cook with coal
Island: We're not REALLY an island
Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We do
Dakota: Closer than North Dakota
The educashun state
Si, hablo ingles
Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
Who says government stiff and slakjaw yokels don't mix?
Help! We're over-run by nerds and slackers!
D.C.: Wanna be Mayor?
Virginia: One big happy family...really!
Eat cheese or die!
You Would NEVER Hear a TRUE Southerner Say, No Matter How Much
They've Had to Drink, No Matter How Far From the South
take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
tape or bailing wire won't fix that.
to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
don't keep firearms in the house.
anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
can't feed that to the dog.
thought Graceland was tacky.
kids in the back of the pick-up; it's not safe.
did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
you think my hair's too big?
have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
do these Bonsai trees need watering?
me the small bag of pork rinds.
heads detract from the decor.
is such a nasty habit.
just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
the fat off that steak.
tastes better than espresso.
tires on the truck are too big.
have that argula and redicchio salad.
got it all on a floppy disk.
tea tastes best.
you like your fish poached or broiled?
fiancee, Paula Joe, is registered at Tiffany's.
got two cases of Zima for the Superbowl.
Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
too old to be wearing a bikini.
the salad bar have sprouts?
here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
don't have a favorite college team.
sure to put my salad dressing on the side.
believe you cooked those green beans too long.
shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
to Annoy a Yankee
your own sweet time doing anything.
all one-syllable words with two syllables.
giving direction, finish with 'and it's right down yonder on
the left.' Confuses 'em something' terrible.
loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
on being called by your first and middle names. e.g. Lisa Marie,
Jim Bob...you get the idea.
invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box
of Moon Pies, preferably the banana kind.
all of your children Bubba, or just call them that.
the word 'reckon' in a sentence and watch their reaction.
them you don't have an accent, they do.
'em a Yankee. Works every time.
to Move to the South? Remember the Following Items:
all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on
how to use it.
you forget a southerner's name, refer to him as "Bubba."
You have a 50% chance of being right.
because you can drive on snow and ice doesn't mean we can. Stay
home on the two days of the year it snows.
you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
cab of a four wheel drive pick-up truck, with a 12-pack of beer
and a tow chain will
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
not buy food at the movie store.
it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
'Y'all' is singular. 'All y'all' is plural. 'All y'all's' is
is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern accent,
unless it's a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is 'big ol,' as in 'big ol' torch' or 'big ol' boy.'
85% begin their
Southern influenced dialect with this expression. 100% are in
denial about it.
proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
advised: The "he needed killin'" defense is valid
you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey y'all, watch this!",
stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will
winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait
until after Thanksgiving.
can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already
know the positions of key hills, trees, rocks and 'where the
ol schoolhouse used to be,' you're better off trying to find
Know You're From Maine if...
had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.
it snows four inches you call it "a dusting."
neighbor's house was foreclosed after an unlucky 24 hour mini-cruise
on the Scotia Prince.
don't understand why there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere
in the country.
know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.
knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House.
car is covered in yellow green dust in May.
can drive the Augusta traffic circle without slowing down.
hung out at a gravel pit.
think a mosquito could be a species of bird.
once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach
or Reid State Park.
your school cafeteria made good chowder.
almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle.
know how to pronounce Calais.
made a meal out of a Jordan's red dye hot-dog, a bag of Humpty
Dumpty potato chips and a can of Moxie.
gone to a Grange bean supper.
high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.
least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the
mill in here."
a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.
crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly.
idea of a traffic jam is being the second car at the stoplight.
wonder out loud if the state can just close its borders to people
house converts to a B&B every July & August for people
from away that you happen to know.
year long you're tracking sand in the house; from the beach
in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.
have a front door but no porch to get to it.
kids start using "wicked" as a multipurpose part of
have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every
do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry's.
ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you
thought you saw some good fiddleheads!
had a vacation from school just to help the family pick potatoes.
you know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.
you know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon
you go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.
ever given directions to some from "away" and intentionally
led them in the opposite direction they wanted to go.
watch "Murder She Wrote" and snicker at the stupid
know how to find the rope swing at the quarry.
take the New Hampshire toll personally.
feel really really good when you cross the Piscatiqua River
bridge into Kittery.
always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.
a roll of Duct tape and a can of flat black spray paint will
get your car to pass inspection.
you knew how to avoid all the traffic at the Fryebrug Fair by
using the "Secret Entrance."
you have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town
you know how to get from Cumberland to Fryeburg via the "Egypt
you can remember when the "Egypt Road" was a dirt
track through the woods.
you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.
know that Moody's Diner does NOT take credit cards!
actually miss the fifteen below zero mornings in the winter
(that have been eliminated by the greenhouse effect) because
or walking to work in the silent crystal stillness, punctuated
by an idling car engine as the owner waited indoors for the
car to warm up
his mad dash from warmth to warmth, and your lungs did not freeze;
thank you very much for your concern.
the word "stove" refers to waft you did to the right
front fender of your truck after you've had a wicked bring-up
on a rock.
there's too much "stuff" in your two-cah garage to
get either of your cars into it.
you know what a frappe is.
you knew the smell of Woodsmens fly dope.
you knew the difference between 'hogged up,' 'snubbed up,' and