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You
were probably born between 1970 - 1965 if:
- ...your
'dressy' wardrobe ever centered on pastels and linen blazers:
guys included.
- ...you
know, by heart, words to any "Weird Al Yankovic" song.
- ...you
remember when Madonna was just hitting the scene.
- ..."The
Brady Bunch Movie" brought back 'groovy' memories.
- ...you
ever though "The Reflex" was a cool song.
- ...you
remember "Battlestar Galactica."
- ...two
words: Atari and Pong.
- ...you
remember the days when hooking your computer into your television
wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the
ONLY option.
- ...you
remember the days when 'safe sex' meant 'my parents are gone
for the weekend.'
- ...you
thought "Weird Science" was a masterpiece. (well...wasn't
it?)
- ...you
remember any, or all, of the following: Echo & The Bunnymen,
Cutting Crew, Scritti Pollit, or Orchestral Maneuvers in the
Dark.
- ...Chevy
Chase was really funny in those "Vacation" movies.
- ...you
remember the days of "Friday Night Videos" before
the days of MTV.
- ..."Schoolhouse
Rock" played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the
english language.
- ...the
phrase "Where's the Beef" still doubles you over with
laughter.
- ...you
remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possible
have better special effects than those in the movie "TRON."
- ...you're
starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect you) that maybe
having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad
idea after all.
- ...you
ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.
- ...you
ever owned a Trapper Keeper.
- ...these
phrases mean anything to you: "Wonder Twin powers...activate!"
and "All-Skate, change directions."
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Let's
face it: Once you're old enough to fall off of Santa's 'List', Christmas
can lose some of its magic. It can become a super-commercialized
orgy of over-eating, binge-drinking and familial Hell. The following
is a list of some ways to give the ol' holiday a fresh twist.
- Decorate
your fireplace, tree and house with long fatty strips of Christmas
Bacon.
- Get
rid of your Christmas Tree and invest in the new Yuletide rage:
The Chia Christ!
- Attend
Midnight Mass and hoot 'Boo-Yah!' every time the priest mentions
'the Savior.'
- Find
out exactly how many cups of spiked eggnog it takes to get sugarplums
to dance in your head.
- Make
sure all your toy-sized nativity scenes come with spring-loaded
attack sheep, kung-fu grip wise men and shepherds that transform
into robotic tarantulas.
- Christmas
morning Happy Hour at Hooters, 6 am 'til noon.
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Christmas
Carols for the Mentally Disabled in All of Us
- Schizophrenia:
Do You Hear What I Hear?
- Multiple
Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
- Dementia:
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
- Narcissistic:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
- Manic:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and
Trees and
- Fire
Hydrants and...
- Paranoid:
Santa Claus is Coming..to Get Me
- Personality
Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,
Maybe I'll Tell You Why
- Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell
- Rock
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
- Jingle
Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock....better
start again.
- Passive-Agressive
Personality: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave
to Me (and then took it all away)
- Borderline
Personality Disorder: Thouhts of Roasting on an Open Fire
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