Miscellaneous Humor

You were probably born between 1970 - 1965 if:
  • ...your 'dressy' wardrobe ever centered on pastels and linen blazers: guys included.
  • ...you know, by heart, words to any "Weird Al Yankovic" song.
  • ...you remember when Madonna was just hitting the scene.
  • ..."The Brady Bunch Movie" brought back 'groovy' memories.
  • ...you ever though "The Reflex" was a cool song.
  • ...you remember "Battlestar Galactica."
  • ...two words: Atari and Pong.
  • ...you remember the days when hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY option.
  • ...you remember the days when 'safe sex' meant 'my parents are gone for the weekend.'
  • ...you thought "Weird Science" was a masterpiece. (well...wasn't it?)
  • ...you remember any, or all, of the following: Echo & The Bunnymen, Cutting Crew, Scritti Pollit, or Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark.
  • ...Chevy Chase was really funny in those "Vacation" movies.
  • ...you remember the days of "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.
  • ..."Schoolhouse Rock" played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the english language.
  • ...the phrase "Where's the Beef" still doubles you over with laughter.
  • ...you remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possible have better special effects than those in the movie "TRON."
  • ...you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect you) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
  • ...you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.
  • ...you ever owned a Trapper Keeper.
  • ...these phrases mean anything to you: "Wonder Twin powers...activate!" and "All-Skate, change directions."

Let's face it: Once you're old enough to fall off of Santa's 'List', Christmas can lose some of its magic. It can become a super-commercialized orgy of over-eating, binge-drinking and familial Hell. The following is a list of some ways to give the ol' holiday a fresh twist.
  • Decorate your fireplace, tree and house with long fatty strips of Christmas Bacon.
  • Get rid of your Christmas Tree and invest in the new Yuletide rage: The Chia Christ!
  • Attend Midnight Mass and hoot 'Boo-Yah!' every time the priest mentions 'the Savior.'
  • Find out exactly how many cups of spiked eggnog it takes to get sugarplums to dance in your head.
  • Make sure all your toy-sized nativity scenes come with spring-loaded attack sheep, kung-fu grip wise men and shepherds that transform into robotic tarantulas.
  • Christmas morning Happy Hour at Hooters, 6 am 'til noon.

Christmas Carols for the Mentally Disabled in All of Us
  • Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
  • Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
  • Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
  • Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  • Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and
  • Fire Hydrants and...
  • Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming..to Get Me
  • Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
  • Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
  • Jingle Bell Rock Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock....better start again.
  • Passive-Agressive Personality: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away)
  • Borderline Personality Disorder: Thouhts of Roasting on an Open Fire

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