Entertainment Humor

Top Ten 'Star Wars'-ish Things to Say When Your Parents Make a Surprise Visit to Your House/Dorm.
  • "Exciting is hardly the word I would use."
  • "Unexpected, this is. And unfortunate."
  • Gesture around your room and say to your roommmates, "If they don't go for this, we're gonna have to get outta here pretty quick."
  • Say to them as they come through the door, "You've gotta lotta guts coming here after what you pulled."
  • Parents: "hi, we just stopped by to see if you would join us for lunch." Reply with: "I'll never join you!" Distort your face and throw yourself down the nearest shaft.
  • Ask them for money. If they questiong why they should give you $(fill in the amount) have a friend yell, "Because he's holding a thermal detonator!" (Everyone dive for cover.)
  • If they ask why the place is such a mess, reply with, "Your eyes can deceive you - don't trust them. I've let go of my concious self and acted on instinct."
  • "I've got a bad feeling about this."
  • "Lock the doors and hope they don't have blasters!"
  • If they ask how school is going, say, "When I left you, I was but the learnet. Now, I am the master.

What I Learned From Classic Musicals: Compiled by the Fred Astaire Maling List
  • You are always taller than your dancing partner.
  • People often mistake you for someone else, usually of bad reputation.
  • You never need to launder anything as your wardrobe seemingly repels dirt. (Rather like "The Man in the White Suit", not to be confused with "The Man in th. e Santa Claus Suit."
  • You only dance with younger women and are never, ever forced to dance with your sister.
  • You cannot blow into a horn to save your life.
  • You indulge in miracle working when things get dull.
  • Most music you hear just happens to be in your limited register.
  • Your best friend is a drum (or Keenan Wynn).
  • One you break into song, EVERYONE knows the words and tune and can join right in.
  • You can break into song, anytime, anywhere and an orchestra will appear to back you up, even when there's only a piano in the room

Top Ten Signs That You Watch Too Much "X-Files."
  • You often cut your sister without warning just to ensure that she's still human.
  • Your underwear and wallpaper ore made of aluminum foil so 'they' can't find you.
  • All the events of your day come together in the last 5 minutes that you are awake.
  • You will participate in company meetings only if they are held in a damp, dark garage.
  • The UFO sightings hotline has asked you to limit your calls to once a day.
  • You travel to FBI headquareters with silver BBs, saying that you found them buried deep in your nasal cavity.
  • You have thrown out your ST: DS9 lunchbox - it just seems so childish now.
  • You name your first born 'Dana Scully.'
  • You're constatnly duct-taping yourself to bed at night to keep from being abducted.
  • You buy a fog machine for the house and insist on moving from room to room using a 10 pound high-power search light.


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