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Ten 'Star Wars'-ish Things to Say When Your Parents Make a Surprise
Visit to Your House/Dorm.
- "Exciting
is hardly the word I would use."
- "Unexpected,
this is. And unfortunate."
- Gesture
around your room and say to your roommmates, "If they don't
go for this, we're gonna have to get outta here pretty quick."
- Say
to them as they come through the door, "You've gotta lotta
guts coming here after what you pulled."
- Parents:
"hi, we just stopped by to see if you would join us for
lunch." Reply with: "I'll never join you!" Distort
your face and throw yourself down the nearest shaft.
- Ask
them for money. If they questiong why they should give you $(fill
in the amount) have a friend yell, "Because he's holding
a thermal detonator!" (Everyone dive for cover.)
- If
they ask why the place is such a mess, reply with, "Your
eyes can deceive you - don't trust them. I've let go of my concious
self and acted on instinct."
- "I've
got a bad feeling about this."
- "Lock
the doors and hope they don't have blasters!"
- If
they ask how school is going, say, "When I left you, I
was but the learnet. Now, I am the master.
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What
I Learned From Classic Musicals: Compiled by the Fred Astaire Maling
List
- You
are always taller than your dancing partner.
- People
often mistake you for someone else, usually of bad reputation.
- You
never need to launder anything as your wardrobe seemingly repels
dirt. (Rather like "The Man in the White Suit", not
to be confused with "The Man in th. e Santa Claus Suit."
- You
only dance with younger women and are never, ever forced to
dance with your sister.
- You
cannot blow into a horn to save your life.
- You
indulge in miracle working when things get dull.
- Most
music you hear just happens to be in your limited register.
- Your
best friend is a drum (or Keenan Wynn).
- One
you break into song, EVERYONE knows the words and tune and can
join right in.
- You
can break into song, anytime, anywhere and an orchestra will
appear to back you up, even when there's only a piano in the
room
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Ten Signs That You Watch Too Much "X-Files."
- You
often cut your sister without warning just to ensure that she's
still human.
- Your
underwear and wallpaper ore made of aluminum foil so 'they'
can't find you.
- All
the events of your day come together in the last 5 minutes that
you are awake.
- You
will participate in company meetings only if they are held in
a damp, dark garage.
- The
UFO sightings hotline has asked you to limit your calls to once
a day.
- You
travel to FBI headquareters with silver BBs, saying that you
found them buried deep in your nasal cavity.
- You
have thrown out your ST: DS9 lunchbox - it just seems so childish
now.
- You
name your first born 'Dana Scully.'
- You're
constatnly duct-taping yourself to bed at night to keep from
being abducted.
- You
buy a fog machine for the house and insist on moving from room
to room using a 10 pound high-power search light.
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