This is from Andy Borowitz’s satire column and pretty much sums up how I feel about extensive cell phone usage:

Douchebags Consider Switching to Land Lines

“We’ll be kissing these goodbye,” assholes said.

A new medical report showing that excessive cell phone use may increase the risk of cancer has sparked widespread fear among the nation’s assholes, prominent assholes confirmed today.

For years, America’s assholes have talked relentlessly on their cell phones - while waiting on supermarket lines, sitting on the bus, or even crossing the street - regardless of the effect their annoying chatter has had on those around them.

But with a new doctor’s warning that cell phone use could pose a serious health risk, many jerks and douchebags are considering changing their ways.

Tracy Klugian, 32, an asshole who works as a realtor in Tallahassee, Florida, said that he and his Bluetooth have been “inseparable” for the past three years, but the new health scare may change that.

“I didn’t think twice about using my cell when it was only annoying other people, but now that it may be harming me, I’m going to have to kiss it goodbye,” he said.  “This totally sucks.”

When asked what he will miss most about his cell phone, Mr. Klugian said, “I loved when it would go off in the middle of a movie and wreck the experience for everyone seated around me - that was awesome.”

Davis Logsdon, an anthropologist who studies the behavior of egregious assholes at the University of Minnesota, said that the cell phone scare is only the latest in a series of setbacks for the nation’s douchebags.

“Thanks to rising gas prices, many of them have already had to give up their SUVs — and now this,” Dr. Logsdon said.  “All in all, this has been a tough summer for assholes.”

…if we could all just learn to dance.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

…and shut the hell up in movie theaters.

I just checked my stats for my website - I haven’t done it in a long time - and found that for the past few months my hits have been up substantially. One reason was that Lost post I made (tip: If you want people to read your blog, just type the world Lost. Lost Lost Lost Lost) but another was the fact that there are STILL idiots out there who don’t realize or don’t care that hotlinking is just not kosher.

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. There were two main culprits, one being a message board. I didn’t read the thread too closely but it seemed to be about The Big Lebowski but it was also bashing women and stating that they shouldn’t be anywhere near a computer. Seems to me that it should be bandwidth and image stealing assholes who shouldn’t be allowed near a computer.

Learn to right-click, idiots. Hot linking is for thieves and losers.

• Washington Monument: 1888
• Lincoln Memorial: 1922
• Jefferson Memorial: 1943
• Adams Memorial: To be announced

My relatives recently took a trip to D.C. and this just reminded me of my irritation over the fact that John Adams still does not have a Memorial. It looks like this is finally going to be remedied. Architectural designer Rodney M. Cooke Jr. will be coordinating the design of the memorial which will honor John Adams, his wife Abigail Adams, his son John Quincy Adams and his wife Louisa Catherine Johnson Adams.

In my opinion, this has come at least 66 years too late. Adams should have gotten a memorial before Jefferson, despite his not-so-stellar presidency. He did more work toward Independence than Jefferson ever did - he just wasn’t as good with words or with people to get the recognition he deserved. I can identify with that - especially the part about not getting on with people. They can really suck, you know?

I’m a big Stephen King fan. It was kind of unavoidable growing up in my house. My mother was a fan before most of the world knew King’s name.

This past week I finally got a copy of two of his newer releases, Duma Key and Blaze. Duma Key was written by Stephen King. Blaze was written back in 1973 by his alter-ego, Richard Bachman.

I haven’t read every Bachman book, but every one I have read I really, really like. Even though ‘Stephen King’ seeps through sometimes, they really do feel like they’re written by someone else. As much as I love Stephen King, I think I like Richard Bachman better. of course, his output wasn’t nearly as prolific as King’s, so there was less chance of hitting sour notes (*cough* Tommyknockers *cough*). So, I chose to read Blaze first.

I read the introduction this morning and a couple of things really disturbed me. First, the front page that lists other books by Richard Bachman. There was one glaring omission. And then, in the introduction by Stephen King, that omission is mentioned but dismissed as a mistake!

I know why he feels the way he does about Rage. I suppose if something I wrote influenced someone to commit violent acts, I wouldn’t look so kindly on that work either. However, I personally think Rage is one of the best things he ever wrote. It just so happens that I’m not a disturbed, anti-social human who reads it and thinks, “Hey, I sympathize with this character (which I do) therefore, I should try to emulate him and do exactly what he does.”

The book is no longer in print.

I don’t like censorship. I don’t like limiting freedoms because of the stupidity of others. I choose to wear my seatbelt - but I don’t think it should be required for anyone over 18. I personally don’t like guns, but I also don’t have a problem if an adult who can prove they’re responsible with firearms has one. This list could go on and on, but I think I’ve made my point.

It all reminds me of when I was a kid. I loved bottle rockets, but when I was around 8 or so I leaned over the bottle - right after my dad told me not to. I was therefore banned from bottle rockets for a very long time. When I was finally allowed to shoot them again, I never - ever- leaned over the bottle again. My parents made my safety their responsibility, and no one else’s. Most of my friend’s parents seemed to parent in this same manner as well.

So, why is it, that my generation is raising a mess of spoiled, pampered, ‘nothing is your fault, dear - it’s society’s’ assholes? I’ve met some exceptions, certainly, but for the most part, the next generation is a bunch of passing-the-buck jerks!

I have yet to figure out when and why this mental shift happened. Was it a ‘I want to be friends with my kids because I personally thought my parents were tyrants’ attitude? Or were we raised by parents who were too lenient as well and we just continued this trend?

Ugh. I could continue to bitch about today’s kids, but I suppose I should stop. I mean, I’m only 35. What am I going to be like when I’m 60? Hee hee.

For the first time that I can remember, I took an online quiz and it gave me the results I expected.

Over here is a quiz that will match you up with the appropriate presidential candidate. Of course it’s a short quiz and it’s multiple choice so it isn’t perfect, but I think the list it gave me is pretty much right on the money, with one exception.

The candidate I most agree with: Dennis Kucinich with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in second and third place. John Edwards is lower than I think he should be (6th) but like I said, it’s not an extensive quiz.

The person who was dead last on my list? Mike Huckabee - and that’s where I think he should be. Living in Arkansas while he was the Reverend Governor was bad enough. I do not want to suffer his presidency.

Since the publication of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, there have been a lot of HP fans who are outraged that Hermione and Ron are the couple as opposed to Hermione and Harry. Some of these people have gone so far as to start petitions for J.K. Rowling to not only apologize for some perceived slight, but to also change her story to fit their desires.

I even read one comment on a petition that said Rowling obviously has lost it and doesn’t know how the story is supposed to go.

These are the people that give fans a bad name. The ones who hate something before it is even released because it isn’t exactly like they would have done it.

So, I thought this comic strip dated July 16, 2007 (which is obviously satire) was hilarious. CLICK HERE